


Change

by Loki_ate_my_pudding



Series: Stefan is cute (Colin agrees) Colin is cute (Colin disagrees) [2]
Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Cute Colin, Cute Stefan, Drug Use, Needy Stefan, Obsessive Behavior, PermaTrip, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17704841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_ate_my_pudding/pseuds/Loki_ate_my_pudding
Summary: Again, they find themselves in a stressful situation, with Stefan falling down the hole while Colin holds out a tab of acid to him. How many times does he have to change it before he gets it right?





	Change

**Author's Note:**

> A few tries, always takes a few tries, just to get it right, yah?

Stefan came home, with a shiny new book tucked under his arm. It was thick, wider than any book Colin had ever thought of reading, colors staining the cover page. “Bandersnatch.” 

He’d read through many different endings by the time Colin had finally stepped in. “Stef, you keep reading this book. Let’s do something, work on a game or maybe go to the shops?” 

Colin watched as Stefan dangled on the edge of the hole, but this time he managed to grip his hand before he fell. “Yeah, sure, let’s go.” 

Everything had been fine, Colin was doing amazingly at Tuckersoft, save for a few complaints about Thakur being a bit of a douche bag. It was fine, and then Colin watched as Stefan pulled out his chair and sat at his own desk, to work on a game for the first time in months. 

Colin had accepted that maybe Stefan’s depression had him down, and unmotivated to do what he’d literally gone to Uni for. He supported Stefan, and through his own work, he’d made enough money to support them both if he really had to. It was good, but maybe Stefan was a little too sick of the side job. 

He'd been at his desk all day, like a breakthrough idea has sprouted in his beautiful mind and threatened to leave if he didn’t do it immediately. Colin understood, he’d been in the same boat once or twice. 

“So what’s your game, Stef?” Colin asked, pulling up a chair by his boyfriend and putting his chin on his hand. 

“Bandersnatch. I need to write the initial notes before I worry about actually plotting the paths.” Stefan mumbled. He’d tried to be more verbal about things with Colin once they moved in together. Communication was key with the other male. 

Colin nodded, watching Stefan go on for a while before he gently started his job of tugging Stefan to bed. “Come, Love.” He said softly, after a few minutes of nonverbal tempting. Stefan came. 

The more time Stefan spent on the game, the prouder Colin became of his boyfriend. It was coming along nicely, he’d programmed essentially the whole first half of the game before everything took a turn. 

Colin suggested showing the game to Thakur, that maybe he’d take it and sell it like Stefan needed. He was right, what did Stefan say before? But the deadline seemed to rapidly approach, and Stefan found himself staring blankly at his screen every day, unable to do any of the work he needed. 

He knew it was a mistake the second he got out the acid. Stefan accepted it instantly, like he knew Colin was going about this for the fourth or fifth time, and he was still fine. 

Stefan’s trip seemed different than any trip Colin had seen. He grinned so wide, he was sure it was hurting the younger boy’s face, he didn’t even touch things but he watched as they moved with his hand with wide, fascinated eyes that part of High Colin wished we’re dedicated to him, and not paintings. 

The trip was fun, until Colin himself got caught in his thoughts. He talked about everything he thought of, how Stefan could have such a great life working at Tuckersoft, about how the eyeballs in NohzDyve came from a trip where his eyes changed, and how Pac-Man wasn’t what they thought it was. He ranted himself into a bad trip, actually, though Colin wasn’t stupid enough to get stuck in one. 

He quickly tried to change it, but Stefan was gone. 

He was too deep in the thought of eyes in Nohzdyve, too deep in thinking about Tuckersoft, too deep in thinking about Hell worlds where everything just started again like it never happened the first time. Colin knew he was too deep too, snapping in the younger man’s face, trying to pull his attention to him. 

“Stefan!” He gripped his cheeks, but his eyes weren’t looking at him. They were looking beyond him as Stefan’s lips moved like he was talking but nothing came out but little grunts every now and then. “Stefan, come on!” 

He shook him a little, slapped his face, grabbed the cup of now cold tea and splashed it on him, but he’d inevitably sent his companion into the dreadful trip that everyone taking acid had the chance of ending up in. 

Colin passed out trying to bring Stefan back from his Permatrip, and woke up in the morning to Stefan typing away at code in his computer. 

He stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes for a few seconds, processing that last night he’d watched the younger boy he cherished so deeply fall into a permatrip that he’d never be free from. “S-Stef?” He cursed himself for stuttering. He never stuttered. 

“Hmm? Busy, Col.” Stefan replied, and Colin sat up even faster, launching himself out of the bed towards Stefan. 

He watched as Stefan started from the same place he started the morning before on Bandersnatch. The same way that it started before. 

“Breakfast?” Colin asked, slightly breathless as he moved towards the door. He waiting a moment for Stefan’s response, to which he nodded, and Colin disappeared down the hall. 

This time, he hid everything that could possibly send Stefan into a bad trip. He covered mirrors, and covered paintings, and just wanted to bring Stefan into a brighter way of life instead of sending him spiraling. 

He told himself that as he dropped his tab, and gave the other one to Stefan. 

His trip was similar, except he looked more lost presses against Colin’s chest, his eyes watching Colin sip his tea. It was a chilled out time, everything was good, and then Colin put on the Cure and they danced until Stefan was sweating. 

It was good, until Colin found himself stuck in his head again. He went off, about the conspiracies again, and somehow, Stefan ended up staring at him with horrified eyes from the couch. Colin didn’t sober up this time, just continuing his rant, pacing until he finally did realize that Stefan wasn’t really there anymore.

Colin relieved the night endless times, all of which ending with Stefan stuck in a permatrip, caught in his head and never coming out.

This time, Colin swore it’d be different.

“So Stef, tonight I’m going to bring you out of the hole.” Colin said. “I’m going to stay sober. You gotta trust me. I’ll do it with you some time, but not tonight. You need someone sober with you for your first time.” 

Stefan nodded, taking the tab from Colin and placing it on his tongue. “I feel like I’ve done it before, Col.” 

“You haven’t.” Colin answered firmly, watching Stefan. He sat next to him on the couch, letting the smaller male curl up against him. “Now we just wait. You’ll know when it hits, lovely.” 

After it did, Colin realized that this was what he was meant to do. 

Stefan had a trip just like the others, watching things move around, but he wasn’t caught in his head. He was watching things, listening to the music, feeling the warmth of Colin against his back while he pressed against his chest. 

Colin smiled, watching him with careful eyes, making sure he didn’t see any of the signs of a permatrip starting. He’d seen them before, and definitely seen them in Stefan. He’d watched the younger boy fall into it about thirty times over, but this time was different. 

He realized that all he had to do to get it right was stay sober for once. Not drop the acid so Stefan could experience his first trip with a sober boyfriend to help him if it got to be too much. 

The next day, Stefan felt the remnants of his trip, but he was coming down fast. He felt a bit more at ease, with the final idea for his game sprouting in his head - the Government Conspiracy path. He told Colin over breakfast, smiling at his loving boyfriend who watched him with happy eyes. “I’m happy you’ve found the ending, Stef. You’ve got the week, Thakur wants it on Saturday.” 

Stefan nodded with a smile. “Should be done in two or three days, actually. It’s a fast path. Leads you right to a simple end, actually.” 

“Where’d you come up with the idea, love?” Colin asked. He knew the answer already. 

“I’m not really sure, Col. It could’ve been the trip.” He said truthfully, and Colin nodded with a smile. 

“Made you see the bigger picture, huh?” He grinned, getting up and kissing the top of his head. “Anyway, I’ve got to get in and drop off the final product of Nohzdyve, I’ll be home with some lunch.” 

And Stefan finished his game with time to spare. 

Colin went with Stefan to turn it in, doing the final demo with Thakur while Stefan smiled at his creation. He was proud of the shy man, who stayed tucked again Colin’s side the whole meeting. 

They went home and made a celebratory dinner together, grinning and laughing the whole time. Everything was amazing. 

The game Bandersnatch got four out of five stars on the review, scoring higher than Stefan had expected, and the two men were endlessly happy with the rating. 

Everything was good. Colin wondered how long it’d stay that way. 


End file.
